*~*Lawyer Jokes*~*

Some Lawyer Jokes....

A pick pocket was up in court for a series of petty crimes.#

The judge said "Mr. Banks you are hereby fined $100."

The lawyer stood up and said "Thanks, my lord, however my client only has $75 on him at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes in the crowd. . ."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind", replied Tommy.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.

The lawyer replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?"

The doctor replied, "Remember that lousy real estate I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds."

The lawyer looked puzzled. "Gee," he asked, "how did you start the flood?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A guy phones a law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."

The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."

The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, "I want to speak to my lawyer."

Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but your lawyer died last week."

The next day the guy makes his regular call to the law firm and say, "I want to speak to my lawyer."

"Excuse me sir," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"

The guy replies, "Because I love hearing it!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A lawyer trying to get tickets to a Broadway show, finally settled for a couple of seats a year in advance.

When the exciting night arrived and he sat down in his seat, a woman in front of the lawyer noticed the empty seat next to him and asked why such a valuable commodity was unused.

The lawyer replied that his wife couldn't make it.

The woman asked him if he didn't have relatives or friends who could have used the seat.

He replied, "Oh, they're all at the funeral."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A man is at his lawyer's funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man.

He turns to the people around him. "Why are you all at this man's funeral?"

A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching."

"No, we came to make sure he was dead."

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------